How can you describe yourself ?Only with words,songs or your room ? All people know that if you don't stay with someone,you can't know a person truly.Certainly,it is right.The room expresses its owner character.When i come to my room,I listen to myself
At first,I forget my troubles when i lie down on my bed.I feel that i'm safe with its smooth face.I look at my purple ceiling.The first thing i think is the day when i painted the room with my father.It has so many symbols which express nothing,however,it means so many things.While painting,i always painted badly and my father tried to fix it.It was so funny.The colours of wordrobes are grey,really,grey and purple are complement each other.When i turn to my head to left,i see my brother's bed.When we were children,we continuosly fought for this bed.Because it is bigger than the other,we thought it was moe comfortable.However,after he went to university,i got the realities.Of course,the bed hadn't been more comfortable but now it is special for our memories.
One wall has so many things;posters,shelves,panos..You can not see the colour of the wall.One of panos is filled with family photographs,the other has photographs with my friends and the middle pano has poems which i wrote.If you read them,you can not stand laughing.They are funny because i wrote them when i was a child.I'm keeping all my presents on the shelves;my first gift from my father (it is a clock like a house),a cat which yells when you touch,knicknocks,a little bear,and letters,postcards from my friends who are away from Manisa.At the opposite of this wall it has a window but it does not look outside.It is horrible,i was always afraid of looking from it.Ovet the bed i sleep has a big shelf.I lined up my cassettes there,most of the singers are old,they are still my favorites,anyway.I listened to them from my cassette player after turning off the lights.I feel as if I lived my old days again and again.
All the parts of room are like what i want.It has my memories,my childhood and i wish i could still grow up there...
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My sister:) your thesis statement could be more expressive but I liked your desciripting words.
YanıtlaSili paid attention to your comment,i will use better thesis statement in my other essays,i will be careful,thank you :)
YanıtlaSilDear Seda,
YanıtlaSilDescription of your room is very good. However a careful reading of the essay shows a number of grammatical, syntactical and word choice errors as indicated in parantheses in the text below:
"How can you describe yourself ?Only with words,songs or your room ? All people know that if you don't stay with someone,you can't know a person truly.Certainly,it is right.The room expresses its owner character.When i come to my room,/I listen myself/
At first,I forget my troubles when i lie down on my bed.I feel that i'm safe with its smooth face.I /look/ my purple ceiling.The first thing i think is the day when i painted the room with my father.It has so many symbols which /expresses/ nothing,however,/it means so many things/.While painting,i always painted badly and my father tried to fix it.It was so funny.The colours of wordrobes are grey,really,grey and purple /are/ complement each other.When i turn to my head to left,i see my brother's bed.When we were children,we continuosly fought for this bed.Because it is bigger than the other,we thought it was moe comfortable.However,after he went to university,i faced /with/ the /trues/.Of course,the bed hadn't been more comfortable but now it is special for our memories.
One wall has so many things;posters,shelves,panos..You can not see the colour of the wall.One of panos is filled with family photographs,the other has photographs with my friends and the middle pano has poems which i wrote.If you read them,you can not stand laughing.They are funny because i wrote them when i was a child.I'm keeping all my presents on the shelves;my first gift from my father (it is a clock like a house),a cat which yells when you touch,knicknocks,a little bear,and letters,postcards from my friends who are away from Manisa.At the opposite of this wall it has a window but it does not look outside.It is horrible,i was always afraid of looking from it.Ovet the bed i sleep has a big shelf.I lined up my cassettes there,most of the singers are old,they are still my favorites,anyway.I listened / /them from my cassette player after turning off the lights.I feel as if I lived my old days again and again.
All the parts of room /is/ like what i want.It has my memories,my childhood and i wish i could still grow up there...
Rewrite this essay please!
hi seda :)
YanıtlaSilfirstly i can say that your essay is so good and while reading it i enjoyed.in addition,your descriptions are satisfactory.
hellooo sedaa.what a beatiful room:)use of desciripting words is good. ı liked your essay. carry on:)
YanıtlaSil